


Designated Grapes

by impressmyism



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Episode: s06e07 Moira Rosé, Family Feels, Ficlet, It's hinted at though, M/M, Talks about wine, This went completely left, Wine, heavily, sexy times but not explicit, talks about grapes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23549509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impressmyism/pseuds/impressmyism
Summary: A filler about s6x07 Moira Rosé. What happened after Moira and David were basically booted out of the winery and David is in the car ride back to the motel with Patrick alone?
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 4
Kudos: 110





	Designated Grapes

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not know these characters, they belong to Schitt's Creek, Not a Real Company, Dan & Eugene Levy, CBC, Pop, etc. I'm just here borrowing them for a bit.

Patrick didn’t know what he was walking into when Mr. Rose, er, Johnny got the phone call. He didn’t hear anything on the other end but Mr. Rose’s face said everything. Slight dread, surprise and he also tried to not laugh. “Well, uh, we’re going to have to pick up Moira and David. They… overstayed their welcome.”

The other man made an equally distressed face but tried to stifle a laugh and hid it into a cough. David was a lot, even more so drunk, and if both he and Moira were drunk, there were only two people who could really reign them in. 

The tv in the motel was shut off, the leftover pizza abandoned though Patrick did catch Mr. Rose taking one piece before leaving. 

Johnny sat passenger side, Patrick followed, getting behind the wheel of his so-called “death trap of a car” almost regretting not bringing a slice with him. Johnny was prepared to deal with Moira, hell, they’ve been married for too long to not know how to handle her but Patrick had no idea what he was in for when he and Mr. Rose entered the winery to drunken smiles and a pissed off owner. And heard nothing but happy gasps.

“Our designated grapes!” Moira exclaimed even louder than normal.

“Well, I see the sampling went well,” Johnny said, seeing all the empty glasses. He went to Moira, Patrick was almost bombarded with kisses and pawing from David. Clearly more drunk than he had seen him, dopey smile on his face. He tasted more like red with the kiss, well kisses, he received.

“Mmm, yeah, okay, we couldn’t find the wine!” David exclaimed, still happily smiling, using his fiance as a way to stand still and up but the wine was busy dancing around in his bloodstream. Now Patrick was really glad he came, Mr. Rose couldn’t handle both alone. 

Patrick cleared his throat. “Well, sort of smells like you found _all_ the wine.” He had a hand wrapped around David’s middle, holding him, feeling how if David kept moving around, he was going to tip over and fall. 

“What!” David exclaimed, making a face.

Patrick was basically speechless but also not wanting to laugh as Mr. Rose and Herb exchanged some kind of words that responded with David shouting “I said radish” loud at the top of his lungs. 

Mr. Rose looked surprised and slightly disappointed.

As Herb complained and recounted events, Patrick whispered David’s name into his ear to get him to stop it. Stop mocking the other man and make sad faces. David had also somehow managed to find Patrick’s back pocket and slipped his hand back there momentarily. 

After everyone was basically kicked out and possibly banned from the winery, Moira bid adieu to her son, waving her hands and dangling her purse. “My dear son, I’ll see you… when I’ll see you.”

“Okay, Moira, into the car honey,” Mr. Rose shooed her into the passenger seat.   
  
**

Patrick’s own car was running and waiting and after dragging David out, who seemed to have a little pep in his step, he was now secure in the car also known as a seat belt and locking the door. Immediately the car started to bring out the aroma of alcohol that was pouring out of David’s system. 

“Babe,” David started to speak, still looking dopey. “I wonder, I wonder… I wonder if Herb or Erb,” he busted out laughing. “I wonder if someone ever called him Sherbet Herbert. No wait, wait! Sherbert Herbert.” David was definitely amusing himself and Patrick had a soft but small smile on his face, both hands on the wheel, looking straight ahead but glanced over at the other man. “He was mean. Sherbert Herbert was mean! His wine tasted nasty anyway. And who doesn’t have radish for an option? It was there!”

“Okay honey,” Patrick remarked. “Sherbert Herbert can’t hurt you anymore, we left him.” Now _he_ was calling him that.

“You’re my hero, Patrick. You’re my knight. You can slay the dragon known as Sherbert.” David was really gone by this point. Laughing so hard and he felt hot, started rolling down the window. “It’s hot, Patrick. I’m hot!”

“I can see that,” Patrick remarked. 

“I want to take this off!” David was pulling at his sweater. He wanted it off, wanted it off _now_. 

“David, just pulled the window down a little further,” he didn’t want to witness David struggling and possibly strangling himself trying to get his sweater off to then have to put it back on. Not many saw him without one on but also that would be a disaster in David’s condition. 

“Much better.” David smiled, resting his head against the back of the seat, eyes closed, smiling, feeling fresh air. “Ohhh Patrick,” David moaned. “I wish you could experience this air with me.”

“I’m sure it’s wonderful.” Patrick came to a four way stop. And paused before continuing straight. _Straight_. Ha-ha. He was trying hard to stay level headed and not to be ironic, cool. 

“No, like over here on this side. It feels…. It feels… something.” Patrick just shook at his fiance’s vocabulary now. “I want to share this with you. I want to share _everything_ with you. I want to marry you.”

“We are getting married, David.” Patrick was almost at the motel but decided to go a different route, basically in hopes of getting David to sober up a bit. 

David happily gasped. “That’s right, we are getting married. You’re gonna be my husband! You’re my husband. I love my husband so much. You’re my designated grape!” David exclaimed, leaning over to kiss Patrick on his cheek. 

“I’m your what?” Patrick questioned. Pulling over to what appeared to be a park of some sort. An empty park with what looked like slides and a swing. Okay, it was a sad looking park. No it was an abandoned park but nonetheless.

“Hey we stopped! The ride stopped!” David panicked, throwing a mini fit in his seat. 

“You’re fine, David. I stopped the car. You’re okay.” Patrick reached over to hold David’s face with his hand, seeing that the other man’s anxiety was slowly fading. “You’re okay, we’re okay.” Patrick smiled and that caused David to smile and reach over to kiss the other man on his lips. The taste of red was still there but not as potent. “I got you. And I’ll slay a dragon named Sherbert Herbert for you.” He grinned. David didn’t say anything but leaned further into Patrick, wanting more of him. For someone intoxicated, he certainly could keep up with the kissing.

Almost sloppy like kisses that caused Patrick to moan against David’s open mouth. Wow, how many different kinds of reds did he sample? Sweet, tart, bitter, it was all rushing to his brain. It must have clouded his brain so much that David’s hands were now trailing further down. “David, David, we can’t do this here.” Another moan from his lips said otherwise.

David, busy trying to get to touch Patrick’s skin pouted against his lips. “I want to.” David whined, whined into Patrick’s neck, his hands finally got rid of that ridiculous but loveable cap Patrick was wearing. “I want to give you something. Please.” 

“And what is that?”

David smiled, licked his lips and with one hand, moved down between them, and it rested right there in Patrick’s lap. Just waiting. Patrick was definitely starting to wake up down there, and could feel the tension growing. Both parties stared at each other, panting hard. Patrick swallowed but it felt dry in his throat. He looked into David’s very much awoken face, he looked less drunk and more sober which he did wonder how much of that was a show, and how much wasn’t. “David,” it was a breathless tone. “Please.” The other man smirked as they kissed once more.

The seatbelt was immediately undone, providing more movement from Patrick who moaned happily and passionately at David’s lips all over him, over his neck. He bit and suckled on the flesh there, marking him. Everyone knew he was his and vice versa but sometimes, David liked to be a bit more possessive, leaving marks on Patrick’s neck, like right now. He was attached to Patrick’s neck, giving it the attention that it needed as his fingers, blinged out with his engagement rings, reached up to the zipper and button of Patrick’s jeans. Undone slowly, he watched as Patrick’s eyes rolled back at the feeling of David’s fingers wrapped around his semi-hard cock. 

“Fuck,” Patrick cursed. He glanced around the little parking lot to see that no one was around. No cars, not a soul, were going to disturb them. It felt very voyeuristic, the idea of possibly being caught, being so public about what was happening in the safety of his car. It was a bit of a fantasy Patrick had and on a random sleepless night, blabbed it to David who merely smirked in response. There was no smirking now. Not many words either. A lot of strained noises.

David’s hand stroked Patrick at a slow pace, just getting him started but David wanted more, needed more. 

With some interesting flexibility, the dark haired man disappeared to take the now hard cock into his mouth. 

**

About a half hour later, Patrick’s car pulled up into the empty spot from earlier, barely hanging on from the two orgasms that David pulled out of him. The first one was just with his mouth, and David had one magically gifted tongue (and mouth). The second, David didn’t relent with using both his mouth and hand at the same time. There’s something about seeing the hand that David wore his rings on, wrapped around him, getting him off in the daytime, Patrick swore he saw white.

But now, his body was calm, a little shaky but calm. David looked more like himself than he did earlier. He was also cuddling up with Patrick throughout the car ride back. But now it was time to get out the car and head back into motel reality.

Patrick was thankful that they were caught. He was also thankful to be with someone who was currently looking at him like he created the stars and hung them. “What’s going on over there, David?”

“Nothing,” David smiled. 

“David.” Patrick nudged him a bit. “How drunk were you today? Because I’ve seen you at the tipping point and it wasn’t there in your eyes when I looked hard enough.”

“Maybe,” David started to say. “Maybe some of it was for show but you know how my mother is! I should have went ahead and done that film with Matthew McConaughey when I had the chance.” 

Patrick made a face.

“But that’s nothing compared to what I have here with you. I hate to say it but you _are_ my designated grape.”

“Okay, I’m glad we got back to that topic. What’s a designated grape?” Patrick was curious. He turned off the engine and radio, both were now sitting in some silence. He looked at his fiance expectantly who let out a deep sigh and rolled his eyes but his face was holding back a smile. Maybe a smirk. Who knows.

“My mother was talking about grapes over wine today. How her and I are very similar grapes. Potent, strong, over...bearing. She said we were like two good grapes. We make a perfect blend. Her words, not mine. You and my dad are similar grapes. Subtle, again those are her words, you guys are subtle but we balance each other out.” David explained, almost a little afraid to look over at Patrick.

How can he be afraid, he just had a cock in his mouth minutes ago. 

“So, we’re grapes. That’s a new one. I kinda like it. I’m also afraid if that gets out, what will your mother compare us to next.” Patrick responded, running his hand over his head. Oh yeah, his hat was still not on his head. 

“Just one food analogy a month, okay?” David said back, smiling at him. He leaned over to capture the man’s lips one more time. “Let’s go inside and save my dad. This is a whole new type of Moira. A tipsy, borderline in a good mood but probably needs to sleep for at least 12 hours Moira.” 

Both of them exited the vehicle, Patrick not bothering to lock his side because… why? David held onto Patrick tightly by the hand and both entered the motel room to an empty room. Alexis was still out but the parents were definitely in the next room.

Johnny groaned. Moira made some dramatic noise before screaming she rejected so many grapes before finding Johnny. 

“Moira, what are you talking about?” 

Patrick laughed into the pillow of David’s bed and all David could do was hide his face but he was also enjoying the fact that Patrick was less embarrassed and more welcoming to his family’s ongoing shenanigans.

They were going to be great grapes together to become prunes. Or produce more wine.  
 _Something_.

They’ll do it together.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on impressionism at tumblr :)


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